a Tarun Verma article

A good friend of mine has been seriously dating a guy for almost a year now and every time she spends an entire weekend with him she comes back with all kinds of conflicted emotions. She, like many girls, is a worrywart. She overanalyzes the small details and while this bodes well for her career, not so much for her social life.

Nonetheless this sparked an interesting discussion. She talked about how they really get along but he doesn’t do this and he doesn’t that. Sound familiar? We tend to get tunnel vision after spending X-amount of time with someone and tend to focus on the little nuances of their personality.

“I think I’m too good for that person”

“He’s not good looking enough”

“Please, this chick thinks she can stand toe to toe with me?”

We scoff at people we think are not good enough for us all the time. I’d go so far as to say we miss out on great human interactions because of our ego and at times our unrealistic expectations of another person.

Is there a proper benchmark of how picky we should be when initially trying to decide if someone is worth taking that first step with? I say yes!

Benchmark Rule: Does that person make you better?

The answer came to me in the form of a hip hop junkie friend of mine. It’s one of my favorites at the moment but a bit of an older song from a couple of years ago. (Fabolous ft. Ne-Yo – Make Me Better). There’s a particular line she quoted that I always loved from the song but when she said it, it really stuck with me. “I’m a movement by myself, but I’m a force when we’re together”. Really think about that one and it sums itself up perfectly!

Every one of us has seen a couple where the two people started off as separate beings but warped themselves into a barely functional unit. This benchmark helps you avoid that major pitfall. Why be with someone who doesn’t make you a better person? A better businessman? Doctor? Mother? Father? Etc etc. That’s the first and most important question we should ask ourselves and not the sweat the little stuff. In the long run, the little things don’t matter as much as the bigger picture.

Trust me I know, I’m getting older! If not, just ask anyone who’s edging closer to 30…