An Article by Alison Haines

A man who knows exactly what we want… That’s right ladies we’ve all had that fantasy. No words need be exchanged or even spoken. He just gazes at your eyes, but sees deep into your soul. Then maybe the next day he brings home chocolate, draws a foam bath for you to ease your aching feet, and on your way out presents the diamond earrings you were ogling in the shop window last week.

That’s the fantasy, but its far far from the reality.

Recently, I had my birthday. Budget was a little tight, and so I expressed to my husband of seven years I would rather him not buy me a gift. I truly meant this- no mind games. So my birthday rolls around, and I have a great large dinner with my family and we all enjoyed a fun outing together on Labor Day, and my birthday was the following Tuesday. For my actual birthday my husband did what I asked… nothing. But it was in the middle of a work week, no biggie. But, by Friday I’m expecting dinner, even though I had clearly stated no gift, I should at least still get a special dinner, right?

Did I mention my husband is an exceptional cook? His worst meals are what most people achieve at their best. He’s mastered the Italian genre of cooking. If we eat out Italian, we need to drop some serious money to beat anything he can make

So, when I decided we should go to an Italian restaurant that my Italian co-worker recommended I thought the restaurant fit in our budget, I picked it, and I mentally said, “This is his birthday gesture to me.” Mentally said is never actually saying anything!

At dinner, service was mediocre at best (we sat for about 10 minutes before being offered water), cheesy ambiance, and the food was disappointing. We ended up switching plates because my meal was “tolerable” and my husband’s was “inedible” by his standards. When we leave, the verbal onslaught begins. He can’t stop talking about our waste of time and money. All I hear is, “Your birthday dinner sucks.” I brought home leftovers and proceed to place them in the fridge when he says, “Don’t even bother, just toss it.”

I began crying hysterically, then proceeded to blame him for giving me a horrible birthday. Clearly he was lost.

He said, “I didn’t realize you thought we were celebrating your birthday.”

After connecting a few dots, he realized he should’ve expressed he had something else planned for the following week, and he didn’t plan anything that night because we were initially going out with friends casually. We were each upset for different reasons. Him, because his quest for a good meal had failed. Me, because I hadn’t voiced that the evening was supposed to be anything beyond a meal.

He made me a phenomenal dinner the following weekend, and said the phrase, “Happy Birthday.” So where was the mistake leading to my hysterical tears? I’d say 10% him, 90% me. It would have been wiser for him to bring up the big meal beforehand, but I was the reason my “mental” birthday drove me mental in the end.

Guys truly live for a hunt, and anything along the way of the hunt is a distraction unless a new target is clearly stated. While his bow and arrow are in hand, we’re hoping he’ll notice the daisies, then pick us a bouquet and simultaneously recite poetry. It’s okay to want daisies, poems, or whatever else suits your daydream. But isn’t it a bit selfish to assume his goal is always to please you? Don’t get me wrong, initiative is one of the sweetest things in a relationship

In a loving tone, spell out what you want. It sometimes takes voicing your desire, and not voicing it can cost more than a simple need, it can ruin your relationship. So take the initiative yourself to do something for him, and while doing so, it’s not impolite to bring up your heart is always available for him to hunt.