An Article by S&M

Recently, I had a discussion with a colleague of mine. He mentioned seeing a girl’s engagement picture on Facebook. We’ve all seen that Facebook picture of a smiling/tearing girl with a ring blinging on her left hand with the caption, “the happiest day of my life”.  My buddy was somewhat irked when he saw this and expressed his irritation to me, “Why do girls say that? Is that REALLY the happiest day of a girl’s life?”

My immediate response was a loud, “Helllll no”.

I don’t think I can be the only one that lets out an exasperated sigh—NOT at the fact that someone is engaged, not because I’m jealous in any way, but because how and why is that caption almost always every girl’s tagline when she gets engaged. “THE happiest day of my life”—there are so many days left to live; I hope that I have lots of happy days, and on top of that, how would I measure happiness? There are different types of “happy” just like there are different types of “love”.

When I get engaged, hopefully it will be ONE of the happiest days of my life, but hopefully not THE happiest day. Call me too much of a feminist or lonely or jealous, etc… I also don’t want the happiest day of my life to depend on someone else.

I think since we were little girls, Disney and society (who obviously made a secret pact) decided that a girl should daydream about her wedding day until it happens. I know a number of women who have their weddings planned out, all they need is some shmuck to come plop his ass down in the seat next to her. By all means, plan and daydream and be romantic! However, don’t pin all of your hopes and desires on this ONE day. You have the rest of your life to live! The reason that Disney movies cut off at, “and they lived happily ever after” is because what happens after the wedding isn’t so pretty. Most girls aren’t aware that it’s not going to be so pretty once you’re married (I’ll elaborate on this in another article).

I for one look forward to the day that I will become a mother, the day when I will finally get the dream job that I’ve been working so hard to get, and a hundred other days, alongside the day when I am proposed to. Regardless, of ethnic background or upbringing in general, girls are raised to believe that marriage is their end goal in life. Some of us don’t even think twice when we say “the happiest day of my life” and upload that picture to Facebook and Instagram. I hope that a woman has several other happy days, and when I get proposed to I’m going to try to aim for a caption along the lines of “Found my sperm machine for life”.

Interestingly enough, I turned the tables on my colleague. I asked him, “Why is it so bad if that is the happiest day of that girl’s life?”

Society doles out its impish tricks to the men. I have yet to hear a single guy say, “the day I proposed was the happiest day of my life” or “the day that she said yes was the happiest day of my life”. Why is that? Why do girls have fingers pointed at them for being giddy and happy that they have found someone who is going to be their sweatpant partner for life? Why are girls ridiculed for getting “obnoxious” over their weddings and going ga-ga?

When most male friends of the groom-to-be hear that their pal is getting married, the immediate thought for most (notice that I am not speaking in absolutes) guys is, “awwww yeah, bachelor party!” Are fingers pointed here at anywhere near the level that fingers are pointed at the bride-to-be? I don’t think so.

The worst part is that a girl gets excited because she has found someone to spend the rest of her life with and gushes over with a rainbow of emotions. For men, I have yet to hear it become a common phenomenon that marriage is the happiest day/or one of the happiest days of their lives. I usually hear something along the lines of “…burp… bachelor party bro! You’re gonna be stuck with one girl for the rest of your life, let’s get wild!” Strippers, alcohol, drugs, etc… some bachelor parties aren’t as wild or raunchy as they are made to be in movies like The Hangover; however, some parties are and they’re hardly ever greeted with a distasteful tone.

I’m sorry, but what woman expressed elation over being chained down to one wrinkled up penis for the rest of her life and set the precedent for all of womankind? I’m terrified of having a dull sex life once I get married, just as much as a guy if not more. Not only will I be stuck with the same dude forever, but this is also the guy that I will be sacrificing my body for to carry his babies. And if I’m carrying babies, I am definitely somehow sacrificing my career/professional life to start a family. Ergo, I better love him and homeslice better have some warm, ooey-gooey love for me.

At least when a girl says something silly like “the happiest day of my life” it’s for something positive. I don’t know if it’s that guys don’t express themselves well or enough or that society has told men to fear marriage, but I’m ready for that to change.

The next time I hear a guy expressing disdain over a girl being excited to get married, I’m gonna slap him in the face with a URL to this article. And the next time I hear a girl saying the day she was proposed to is THE happiest day of her life, I’m gonna punch her in the ovaries with a URL to this article.